


american dream

by sheridon63



Series: Season 11 [4]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, angst kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:49:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28268661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheridon63/pseuds/sheridon63
Summary: A 11x01 - 11x03 fill inorIan believes in the american dream for a couple days but soon learns it's not what he thinks when he becomes increasingly more frustrated with his job.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Season 11 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048639
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	american dream

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you are having a good holiday season. So I wrote this kinda to explain the fight that they are having. Because in my eyes this whole thing (all 3 episodes) can be boiled down to Ian's love language is acts of service or kinda just like having money/stability and Mickey's is quality time so he doesn't want to spend all his time earning money when he doesn't have to. So both of them are feeling very insecure because their languages aren't being reciprocated like they want. I tired to articulate that here but idk how well because this is very Ian centric. (Note that this starts like maybe a week before 11x01)

Ian loves the sky. It reminds him of how big the world is. He loves that he looks at the same sky as some kid halfway across the world. The sky is a universal experience, the uniter of the world. He looks at it and sees nothing but possibility. Right now it doesn’t matter that he’s taking some stinky bus to a job that he hates. Why? He’s looking at the same sky as the luckiest man in the world. The sky reminds him that he can be anyone he wants to be. What does he want to be? He has so many versions of himself in his head. An emt, a teacher, hell maybe he wants to become a class traiting millionaire. Sometimes he thinks about kids, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he wants to move into the most remote corner of the world and sometimes he wants to stay in Chicago close to his family. But in all his dreams there are multiple constants. Mickey, and their own place. 

He has the first one, on to step two.

He rides the bus in quiet peace. In his mind, he is riding towards their own place. Sure, quarantine gave him some blessings in disguise, finally getting to spend all his time Mickey, Mickey being his unguarded self, helping Lip with his house and then sharing a beer. It was nice, and it was peaceful. But he saw the flyer for the job, and he saw his vision all falling into place. 

When he gets to work his boss doesn’t say much just hands him a vest and tells him to start sorting the boxes. He smiles and gets right to it. All in a day's work right? This is his very own american dream. 

So he ignores the pain in his back on the bus ride home. He’s more worried about catching covid. But he keeps his mask on and liberally applies hand sanitizer. He focuses on the positive. Only ten minutes until he’s home, only ten minutes until Mickey. 

He’s not disappointed when it’s Franny who greets him at the door instead of his husband. She shoves a picture she drew in his face and gloats proudly. He smiles at the frankly bad drawing and uses a magnet to secure it to the fridge. He’s not even annoyed at Carl sitting at the kitchen table, scrolling through his phone, chewing loudly on a pack of oreos Ian had no intention of sharing. Not mad at the pile of dishes that was Debbie’s turn to wash but remaines untouched. Why? Well he has the sky and his very own american dream.

His whole life he's heard about how the american dream isn’t real. But he ignores that because it’s just out of his grasp right now. He knows he’s not gonna become filthy rich or anything, but he still sees a different life of stability and peace, maybe even a vacation once a year. 

Mickey’s asleep in their bed when he walks in. He wants to kiss him but Mickey stirs at his presence and says, “Shower first. Don’t want your nasty ass germs.” So he drops his bag and heads into the bathroom.

He walks back into his room and kisses his husband. He feels what little tension he has from lifting heavy boxes all day leave him. “You stay in bed all day?” He asks discarding his towel, rummaging through drawers looking for something comfy to wear. 

“Yeah and I played some Grand Theft Auto.” Mickey says dismissively and Ian hums in response. It’s not like Ian’s particularly fond of Mickey staying home all day but he likes providing. 

“How was work?” Mickey’s not looking at him, too interested in whatever’s in his phone. 

“It was alright. It’s hard but I’m sure the work will pay off.” 

Mickey smirks, “Don’t know why you’re doing all that work. I could make that shit in like 20 minutes.” 

Ian smacks him playfully with the shirt he has in his hand, “You wanna be in prison forever or something?” What he really wanted to say is that he couldn’t stand the thought of Mickey in prison away from him. 

“Or something.” Mickey returns smiling at him and he smiles back. Yeah the work's hard and the money’s shit but he thinks it worth it. 

* * *

He’s not as chipper today. Franny woke them up at the butt fuck of dawn crying for her Uncle Mickey. When he woke up that morning he didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Coffee would wake him up and maybe he could use the extra time to actually wait for the water to heat up in the shower. Instead, however he uses the time to write out a grocery store list and sticks it too the fridge hoping that Mickey would get the message

One of the much needed things on the grocery list was coffee. Unfortunately, they are out. That’s okay. The list took like thirty seconds to write and Franny woke him up an hour early, he has enough time to stop by a Starbucks. But shit, Ian hadn’t been in a Starbucks since before he went to prison. Six dollars for a 16oz latte seems a bit excessive. Ian tries not to think that this is like half an hour of work. Sure, he knows that six dollars in the grand scheme of things is really not a lot. He knows that even if he got a six dollar latte everyday, that wouldn’t be the thing stopping him in his dream of home ownership. But for some reason it makes him angry. Half an hour of work at all he has to show for it some skimpy latte. He also knows that half an hour is not a lot but bills are a lot more than six dollars and it puts it into perspective just how much back breaking work he is going to have to do just to exist as he does now, not to mention buying a house. 

He wonders why the hell Mickey isn’t pulling his weight. It’s not like he’s doing all this work for himself. He feels almost scared to bring the topic to Mickey because he knows that Mickey can make twice as much as he can in a month in one day. He watched him do it before, when they were teenagers living together. Back when he didn’t understand the full weight of what Mickey being in prison meant. He would much rather Mickey sit on his ass all day at home then in prison. That he decided a long time ago. 

So he goes about his day trying not to think about his husband’s talent with illegal activities or the utilities bill that Debbie’s gonna bitch about in about a week's time. Tries not think about how boring this job is, instead he dreams of possibility. If Ian and Mick could get their own place what would that mean for them? For Mickey he assumes it mainly means privacy. But for him it means the possibility to start their own family. He doesn’t know yet if that is what he ultimately wants but he knows he wants the possibility. 

There are so many things he wants. He wants an espresso machine. He wants a bedroom with an attached bathroom. He wants weekends off. So he lifts the heavy boxes and wonders about what it would take to get his old EMT job back. 

When he gets home he’s glad that the grocery store list has been fulfilled but dinner remains uncooked and the dishes remain in a gross pile in the sink. He climbs up the stairs and knocks softly on Debbie’s door, “Uh Debs?’ 

“What do you want Ian?” 

“Wasn’t it your turn to wash the dishes? Like yesterday?” 

Debbie gives him the most annoyed look in the world, “Some of us have kids to take care of Ian.” She gets up and slams the door in his face. Ian stands there for a second then proceeds to his room not sure to make of what Debbie just told him. 

Mickey is there, as expected, laughing at a video that is playing on his phone. Ian walks in already irritated from his interaction with Debbie, “Hey.” He just mutters. 

“Hey.” Mickey shoots back with more enthusiasm. “You smell” he adds for no particular reason. 

“I missed you too asshole.” But it is true. Hauling boxes around really does not do wonders for his scent. “Thanks for getting the groceries.” Ian feels kinda wrong as he says the words. He’s the one that’s been at work all day, all Mickey did was get off his ass for like an hour. 

“No problem” Mickey says, not really paying attention to Ian but rather whatever is so interesting on his phone. Ian decides that he should probably take a shower if Mickey’s busy. He smells anyway. 

The shower drain is a little clogged and Ian fishes out the hair. This and the earlier interaction with Debbie only solidified the fact that they need to get their own place. 

When he gets back to the room the noise from Mickey’s phone is no longer playing so he feels safe to ask, “You know what’s up with Debbie?” 

“Nah. She asked me for the dishes. I told her fuck no, it’s not my day. Wasn’t my day yesterday. Isn’t my day today.” 

“You know if you have nothing to do all day it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to help out. Now we gotta clean the dishes before dinner or else we won’t have anything to eat or cook with.”

Mickey shrugs, “We can get takeout.” 

“And the rest of the family?” 

“Shit, we can get stuff for them too.” 

Ian frowns, “We don’t have that kind of money.” 

‘Then let them figure it out. It’s not our fault that Debbie’s not pulling her weight.” 

Ian sits on the bed exasperated. “Isn’t this why we should be saving to get our own place.” Sure Ian has done nothing about dream of their own place since he got that stupid Amazon job. But every time he mentions it to Mickey, he brushes it off. 

Mickey shrugs again, “Sure maybe later. I’m still on my honeymoon, ain’t gonna worry about that shit right now” 

“I don’t know, Mick. I think we should start pulling in some real money. I don’t know how much of this job I can handle for much longer.” Maybe he’s asking Mickey to pull his weight. Maybe he’s complaining about underpaid and overworked. His mind is a mess of thoughts and he’s having a hard time articulating them. He just knows he doesn’t like his job as much as he thought he did. 

Mickey stops and thinks for a moment, “You’re in luck. Jamie texted me today. Said that if I wanted to pull a job on some North Side assholes I could. Thirty percent.” 

“Isn’t that kinda risky?” 

“High risk high reward.” 

“I dunno. Don’t like the idea of getting involved in that stuff. We’ve only been out of prison for like a year.” 

“I won’t get caught.” Mickey stops for a second and looks at Ian, “I mean I dunno either. You work too much and get paid shit.” 

“We can’t spend the rest of our lives doing illegal shit. That’s not sustainable. I don’t want to go back to prison, and I definitely don’t want you to go back to prison.” 

‘And excuse me if I don’t want spend every day alone while you’re off sucking Jeff Bezos’s dick” 

“Well it’s all I can do at this point.” 

“Fine.” Mickey grumbles. 

“Yeah fine.” Ian drops it because he doesn’t see himself winning at this point. Mickey here is better than Mickey in prison. 

* * *

Each day is the same. He gets up by himself, eats his breakfast by himself, goes to work, comes home. Maybe he eats dinner with his family and listens to the lot of them complain about their own shit. Maybe he comes home late and eats dinner alone on the couch. Sometimes Mickey will come down and join him for his lone dinner on the couch. If not he’ll climb into their bed and fuck Mickey with the most enthusiasm he can muster, being exhausted from work and all. Go to bed. Repeat. 

He wakes up one day and is surprised to see Mickey awake so early. Mickey asks him to stay home for the day. It’s oh so tempting but he’s trying to see into the future. Not only that, it was only yesterday that Debbie marched into his room and asked for money for the utility. He told her that he didn’t have it yet and she said something snarky, as if she hasn’t been failing to do her part as well. Mickey was lying by his side during this whole interaction and he just laughed. Ian kinda wished Lip was there, he’s always a voice in reason. Instead he just clenched his fist at Mickey’s nonchalant attitude. 

He wishes he has something tangible to picture when he’s working. That apartment building down the block, or a community college course for Mickey. Just some mutual fucking goals. He figures if he knows exactly what he’s working for the work will be easier. He wants to know what exactly the american dream means for him. But he doesn’t really know what Mickey wants and he can’t have that stupid americand dream without him. He just knows that his immediate goal of staying out of prison is not a goal of his husbands. Everything is so abstract right now that he doesn’t even know why he’s working so hard. 

The work doesn’t get easier. It just gets harder. He still tries not complain to much. It could be worse. He could be in prison. He could be working and then going home to an empty house. Isn’t that the whole reason he was kissing Bezos’s ass so hard. Because he does have someone to come home too. When he was a kid everyday he saw Fiona bust her ass just to keep food on the table. He never ever questioned Fiona’s love. That was his first lesson of what love meant. To him it means providing for people. It’s why he gave Mickey all his money at the border. He knew that he needed to do something to show Mickey he loved him, even if he couldn’t go with him. 

Which is why it was so incredibly frustrating that Mickey didn’t seem to care that much about money. Ian tries his hardest not to question himself. But how is he expected not to in this situation. Sometimes he goes to bed wondering if Mickey doesn’t see a long term future with him. Other times he wonders if Mickey wants to be apart from him so much that he’s willing to go to prison. He tries to remember how insistent Mickey was that they get married, that it would make no sense for him to not want to be around Ian. Hell he spends all his time on his supposed “honeymoon.” He reminds himself that his fears are not coming true and this is all in his head. 

He asks the monogamy question because well, maybe he doesn’t see an incredibly long future. Mickey’s answer doesn’t exactly instill confidence in their relationship. But then Mickey’s at Lip’s party and he’s standing so close. Mickey wraps his arms around him and looks so content. He is showing off his name inked on his chest and Ian remembers why it’s there in the first place. Well not exactly why it’s there but the motivations behind it, love. He loves Mickey and Mickey loves him. It doesn’t matter in this moment that Mickey spent all their money without telling him or that he has to ride the dirty bus to a job he kinda hates. He’s reminded of why he would ever want to leave the party early so he can rest up before work the next morning. 

* * *

Work is hell the next day, he has to lift the heaviest boxes and fulfill the largest orders. Mickey doesn’t seem to have much sympathy for him when he comes home. He closes his eyes and sighs. He accepts that, as much as he wants to make this work, he can't do it alone. 

He asks Mickey to get a real job. He wants to make this work. He withholds sex so mickey will listen. He wants to make this work. He looks at the sky on his way to the warehouse and breaths. The sky is always there. That’s what makes it so fucking majestic. 

Suddenly Mickey’s making a shit ton of money. It’s what he wanted, but it is also the exact opposite of what he wanted. He told Mickey that he needed to do this shit legally or else there’s no fucking point. But Mickey didn’t listen. How is Ian supposed to feel about this? He doesn’t know. He’s relieved because he wasn’t sure that his paycheck is enough to cover all the bills, even just for him. But what the fuck, isn’t marriage about to be about communication. Mickey should have at least talked to him first. 

He knows why he didn’t though, he of course would have objected. Because this is about the future. He knows Mickey loves him, he does. But he hates the fact that he is living in a different reality then him. He just wants to go back to the way it was, when they were on their actual honeymoon. 

_Ian can believe it. He can believe that Mickey Milkovich is asleep peacefully on his chest. He’s spent a long time waiting for stolen moments like this. There have been many of them. But what he can’t believe is the ring on his finger. They have been so far apart for so long that it astounds him that they are never gonna be apart again. He threads his hand through Mickey’s black hair._

_His actions wake him up, “You watching me sleep?” Mickey mumbles into his chest._

_“Why? You got a problem with that?”_

_‘Yeah man, it’s fucking creepy.”_

_Ian’s nose scrunches, “Hey you married me, practically signed up for it.”_

_“Fair.” Mickey blushes and sighs at Ian’s ministrations._

_“Sleep good?”_

_Mickey smiles a sleepy smile, “Why ask the question when you already know the answer?”_

_“I dunno. Self esteem?” Ian jokes._

_“Your ego is big enough firecrotch”_

_“Not the fucking firecrotch again.”_

_Mickey chuckles and rolls over so he is facing Ian, “Did you get any sleep?”_

_Ian reaches out and traces his thumb over the tattoo on Mickey’s chest. “Don’t need to. We have all day.”_

_“Yeah? What do you wanna do?”_

_“Absolutely nothing.”_

* * *

For lack of a better word Ian feels inadequate. Mickey’s doing a better job bringing in money and he barely has to lift a finger. 

He knows he had been labeled an essential worker for a reason. But still sometimes he feels like he’s only been labeled essential worker so that someone sitting pretty in a high tower can make even more money despite people’s health. Everyday he goes to work and does hard work and gets paid shit. Then he checks the evening news and see’s Bezos’s net worth and he can’t feel like a mindless lackey. 

Sometimes, Fiona would be a real bitch. She would yell at Ian to aggressively over something trivial like not cleaning his room. Or he would ask for help and she would say it’s not her problem. But then the next morning there would be money for something like food or clothing. So he never ever took it to heart. Fiona took care of them because she loved them. He knows this. So all he wants is to take care of the people he loves. 

But he’s not necessarily doing that. He’s trying but he’s failing. 

He feels like he’s failing Mickey because he’s not giving him everything. It’s ridiculous, he doesn’t know what Mickey even wants but he still feels like he’s failing him. 

Then Mickey’s talking about making him his bitch and it goes to his head. He does some things he’s not proud of. He’s in his head. 

He’s stinky. His muscle aches. He’s tired of fighting with Mickey. His boss is treating him like a profit machine. The sky is bleak and gray.

“The American Dream is fucking dead.” He murmurs to himself before throwing that box.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I know this is kinda a sad ending but I do really think that he will be happy with the gallavich security thing. I'm just leaving this where the current canon timeline is. Maybe I will expand on it later idk.


End file.
